He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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