Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
