He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
