We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
