i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
