love makes seman taste better
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We are two peas in an std pod
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
