I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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