U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
