need another drink. this is the easiest way
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
