Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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