It's Friday. Sex?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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