Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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