You smell like stripper and shame
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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