i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
