Only a mothe r could love this liver
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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