I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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