i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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