sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
