you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
