May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
