I got chris browned last night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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