He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
