i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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