So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
