Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
