Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is wine microwaveable?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
