where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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