A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
