My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
