It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
