It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
