You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
