then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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