God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
