Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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