we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
