How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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