u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
