Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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