It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
