How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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