i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
