I have demons in me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
