people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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