great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
