For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
