i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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