Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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