When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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