Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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