Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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