I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
