i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
