i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
